Greater Than/Less Than = Equality

Our Constitution claims that all men are created equal.  I am going to push back on that a bit and say that all people are NOT created equal. A woman is not as physically strong as a man, A beautiful person is always given preferential treatment over an ugly person, a fit person is preferred over a fat person, Culture and race can create inequality because of different values and morals, physical strengths and weaknesses. susceptibility to illnesses   We are not all born into ideal situations, not all of our parents value education the same,  If everyone was created equal, everyone would get A's in math, science and language arts in school.  For some people living seems to come easy for them.  For others, life is a constant struggle.  We are all equally dependent on others, whether we admit it or not.yet our efforts to level the playing field often miss the mark.  It has been said that, "There is nothing more unequal that our equal treatment of unequal people."


I see efforts to lift others up as decent, courteous, kind and in every man's best interest.  It's not someone else's right to get something from me because they lack it, but if it is in my power to help someone and I don't, then what kind of person am I?
I am not suggesting that everyone has the same meal, the same car, the same house, but that everyone has the opportunity to earn those things.  That everyone has the chance to eat nutritional food and drink clean water and have access to medical care and the freedom to own a home and work a job and benefit from the toil of their own hands.  Justice cannot occur without freedom, so the first step is to ensure that all people have freedom.  Opportunity and peace will follow when freedom brings justice.

Justice is not something that comes from laws and governments, it must come from our hearts.  Rules cannot change the heart.  Selfish hearts cannot bring around equality.  We must love justice enough to lift up one another.  When one person is lifted up all of humanity is lifted up.

Integrity looks like

Maybe it is a midlife crisis, maybe it is traveling an old familiar road and encountering the remains of a few burned bridges, but I find myself examining my life and realizing my actions have not always aligned with my beliefs or my words.  Integrity, like trust, it is a difficult fence to mend.  Integrity is a consistent pattern of ethical actions based on a observable moral code.  The only way to fix inconsistency is with a new track record of honest and habitual behavior that shows you have made a change- that takes time.  Failure in integrity comes when we take short-cuts, show preferential treatment (usually to ourselves) and employ situational ethics to justify avoiding a hard decision.

It takes wisdom to walk away from a temptation.  It takes courage to do the right thing and say no to the easy short-cut.  There is dignity if we will stick to our values and let our life speak that we know who we are in honest integrity.

Image Management

I wish politicians could see how transparent their efforts are to everyone watching

But then, they aren't the only ones trying to manage how others see them, are they?

All of our lies, all of our character assassination is centered on the hopes that it will make us look better, to spin or justify ourselves.  We do this so regularly that it has become a part of our national character.  It is the way of political discourse, the basis for "gotcha journalism", it is part and parcel of advertising, common practice of ladder-climbers in the business world.  More personally, we do this through the way we manicure our lawns, how we dress and the car we choose to drive. The blame, excuses and outright sales job that massages our opinions only fool some of the people some of the time- mostly those who WANT to believe what they are being told.

We make victims of ourselves by denying our shortcomings, blaming others and/or resorting to verbal arsonism to tear down others.  We are not morally tall enough to stand on our own feet so we stand on the backs of whoever may be convenient.

Integrity means that our thoughts, our words and our actions are in alignment with each other.  If you feel guilt as you read this, as I do, that is an acknowledgement that our hands are not clean and we have chose image management over honesty.  To clear our conscious, we can make a list of any offenses we remember and write how to handle it honestly next time.  To make amends we should go to who we offended and confess, ask forgiveness and make amends as much as possible.

Letting the facts speak for themselves requires maturity.  Angling for a position that makes you look good at the another's expense costs us our self-respect and makes us appear desperate.

Integrity

Living true to yourself is living with integrity, that means your thoughts, words and actions are in harmony with each other.  Not that you live by some unteachable spirit, but when your thoughts and beliefs change, your words and most importantly, your actions change to match.

It is easy to think a thought to recognize an idea as noble, and it is easy to espouse an ideal, people do this all the time.  The TEST comes in applying the thoughts and words in action.

One can rant about the government or place of employment at will but when it comes to producing change: will we act?  Will we go beyond our words by running for office or leading a protest?  Would we sacrifice our security by talking to our boss- or even quitting?

Yet this is the essence of integrity.  It starts by thinking honorable and right thoughts.  Left to my own devices, these would be ultimately selfish thoughts.  Because of my faith, I have guidelines laid out by God to give me a plumbline.  I can see that His thoughts are higher than my thoughts and his ways higher than my ways through the narrative of the Bible.  I don't understand much of it, but the parts I do understand are enough to keep me busy the rest of my life.

I have an over-developed sense of justice that borderlines on desire to see things be "fair" (or at least my idea of fair).  In the small short view of a human, that is bound to make me dissatisfied.  I "major in the minors" like politics, materialism, career, building a legacy for myself.  I rant quite a bit about these things when others seem to be working against me (Yes, even God).  So integrity starts in choosing my direction and my battles.  Over-arching themes of faith, simplicity, service, truth, and a belief that something of God lives in all of us, this creates a cognitive structure or ideal, that encapsulates our life scheme.  We already have one of these we have developed over the years, but the components can sometimes conflict (e.g. we believe all life is sacred, but we also carry a gun for protection, or believe in abortion as a right).  These conflicts create tension or cognitive dissonance in our mind which we work to justify using mental gymnastics.  First our thoughts must co-exist peacefully before they become words.

Our words, they are many, and more than our actions, which is a problem.  I sometimes allow my words to compose my thoughts (putting the cart before the horse, so to speak).  Oh, we do love to hear ourselves speak!  At times we can barely wait for another to stop speaking so we can unleash our words.  Often we turn the subject towards ourselves- check yourself in this- you might be surprised.  Our words want to direct us in selfish ways- "out of the heart the mouth speaks" and our heart is often all about us.

The courage to act is the true test of all our thoughts and words.

The Four Agreements

Make Peace With Who You Are

There is a direct relationship between guilt, shame and self-worth. It is widely known that guilt is when we feel bad about something we did, while shame is when we feel bad about ourselves. Either way, when we carry a burden of guilt or shame, we invariably have low self-esteem. This sense of low or no self-worth leads to many self-imposed problems and this opens a plethora of self-destructive emotions. In essence, we turn on ourselves like a ravaging disease.

At some point in our lives, each one of us has no doubt observed this notable and undeniable truth: nobody ever seems to feel good enough about themselves. We are too fat, too thin; we don’t like our nose, our chin, our hair, our behind; and so the shame list goes on and on without end. We incessantly torment ourselves over whatever it is that we don’t like. Further, we associate whatever it is that we don't like with our self-worth. In our minds, as long as this "something" exists, we are somehow just not good enough—we carry a more damaging form of guilt called shame, and the effects are the same—self-destructive.

When will we begin to appreciate our own uniqueness?  Whenever we compare ourselves physically with others in an unfavorable way, we cheat ourselves out of our own individuality. The media would have us believe that we must be in style with the latest fad. But is it really written somewhere that we must all look alike? or dress alike? or act alike? Very likely, the only place it is written is in our minds.

Rather than put ourselves down continually, we must work hard to concentrate on our positives, focusing on that which makes us unique and likable. We all have things that we would change if we could. Even people who we think have it all, don't. Nobody has it all because no one is perfect. We all realize this and yet continue to criticize and insult ourselves.

Change what you can change and accept the rest as a necessary part of your own unique humanity. Make peace with who you are.

I Am Not My Dad

Having kids reveals so much about yourself.  I honestly don't know who I would be without my sons.  God uses them constantly to teach me about myself.  I would like to think I was a great dad but I think I was just determined to not be My Dad and to allow God to teach me along the process.

I have struggled along the way with all the behaviors I saw modeled by my dad; anger, lies, blame, threats, drinking, smoking, verbal arson, violence, impatience, broken promises, stealing, cheating, bragging, grudges, disinterest, workaholism, never satisfied, never expressing love, adultery, abuse, talking his way out of responsibility, procrastinating, hoarding, and more.

Even with all that, he was not all bad- only mostly bad.  One would have to say I learned what NOT TO DO from my Dad.

So many times I would get after my sons and God would stop me mid-sentence-
"What are you thinking?"....
"Why don't you listen to me?"....
"Why do you keep making the same mistakes?"....
"Where did you learn that from?"....
"How many times do I have to tell you?"...

Each time God would show me something about myself and our relationship.  The relationship about a child and his Heavenly Father.  The Father who does not let you down, is ultimately patient, who disciplines for our good, who is with us always, who is faithful and keeps His word.

To that end I feel very sad for anyone who never has children.  There is a wealth of learning and self-discovery there that you cannot get any other way.