Make Peace With Who You Are

There is a direct relationship between guilt, shame and self-worth. It is widely known that guilt is when we feel bad about something we did, while shame is when we feel bad about ourselves. Either way, when we carry a burden of guilt or shame, we invariably have low self-esteem. This sense of low or no self-worth leads to many self-imposed problems and this opens a plethora of self-destructive emotions. In essence, we turn on ourselves like a ravaging disease.

At some point in our lives, each one of us has no doubt observed this notable and undeniable truth: nobody ever seems to feel good enough about themselves. We are too fat, too thin; we don’t like our nose, our chin, our hair, our behind; and so the shame list goes on and on without end. We incessantly torment ourselves over whatever it is that we don’t like. Further, we associate whatever it is that we don't like with our self-worth. In our minds, as long as this "something" exists, we are somehow just not good enough—we carry a more damaging form of guilt called shame, and the effects are the same—self-destructive.

When will we begin to appreciate our own uniqueness?  Whenever we compare ourselves physically with others in an unfavorable way, we cheat ourselves out of our own individuality. The media would have us believe that we must be in style with the latest fad. But is it really written somewhere that we must all look alike? or dress alike? or act alike? Very likely, the only place it is written is in our minds.

Rather than put ourselves down continually, we must work hard to concentrate on our positives, focusing on that which makes us unique and likable. We all have things that we would change if we could. Even people who we think have it all, don't. Nobody has it all because no one is perfect. We all realize this and yet continue to criticize and insult ourselves.

Change what you can change and accept the rest as a necessary part of your own unique humanity. Make peace with who you are.

I Am Not My Dad

Having kids reveals so much about yourself.  I honestly don't know who I would be without my sons.  God uses them constantly to teach me about myself.  I would like to think I was a great dad but I think I was just determined to not be My Dad and to allow God to teach me along the process.

I have struggled along the way with all the behaviors I saw modeled by my dad; anger, lies, blame, threats, drinking, smoking, verbal arson, violence, impatience, broken promises, stealing, cheating, bragging, grudges, disinterest, workaholism, never satisfied, never expressing love, adultery, abuse, talking his way out of responsibility, procrastinating, hoarding, and more.

Even with all that, he was not all bad- only mostly bad.  One would have to say I learned what NOT TO DO from my Dad.

So many times I would get after my sons and God would stop me mid-sentence-
"What are you thinking?"....
"Why don't you listen to me?"....
"Why do you keep making the same mistakes?"....
"Where did you learn that from?"....
"How many times do I have to tell you?"...

Each time God would show me something about myself and our relationship.  The relationship about a child and his Heavenly Father.  The Father who does not let you down, is ultimately patient, who disciplines for our good, who is with us always, who is faithful and keeps His word.

To that end I feel very sad for anyone who never has children.  There is a wealth of learning and self-discovery there that you cannot get any other way.