I Am Not My Dad

Having kids reveals so much about yourself.  I honestly don't know who I would be without my sons.  God uses them constantly to teach me about myself.  I would like to think I was a great dad but I think I was just determined to not be My Dad and to allow God to teach me along the process.

I have struggled along the way with all the behaviors I saw modeled by my dad; anger, lies, blame, threats, drinking, smoking, verbal arson, violence, impatience, broken promises, stealing, cheating, bragging, grudges, disinterest, workaholism, never satisfied, never expressing love, adultery, abuse, talking his way out of responsibility, procrastinating, hoarding, and more.

Even with all that, he was not all bad- only mostly bad.  One would have to say I learned what NOT TO DO from my Dad.

So many times I would get after my sons and God would stop me mid-sentence-
"What are you thinking?"....
"Why don't you listen to me?"....
"Why do you keep making the same mistakes?"....
"Where did you learn that from?"....
"How many times do I have to tell you?"...

Each time God would show me something about myself and our relationship.  The relationship about a child and his Heavenly Father.  The Father who does not let you down, is ultimately patient, who disciplines for our good, who is with us always, who is faithful and keeps His word.

To that end I feel very sad for anyone who never has children.  There is a wealth of learning and self-discovery there that you cannot get any other way.